Monday, January 7, 2013

I Need The Deep

Things have been a bit strange lately.  Not strange in the traditional sense, I think.  But, more of... a shifting from one way of things to another.  I feel myself retreating inwards... Not in some depressed, angry way.  In a soul-searching, quiet-seeking, peaceful way.  I've felt so restless with society.  The consumerism, the everlasting bouts into all things "surface"- image, interests, you name it.  Everything outside of my home, my family, and a small group of individuals is the only time I feel depth in conversation/existence.

I don't want to live in a town with a Wal-mart.  I don't want to be on Facebook with hundreds of "friends"that I never see in my real life.  I don't want to be exposed to the overused and completely ridiculous era of "YOLO" that is upon us-- when YOLO is being used as a reason to spend nights wasted and reckless, not doing a damn thing that means anything.

I find myself struggling with questions like, "Has it always been like this?"  This being-- so empty?  Society, that is.  Image being the driving force.. Are we in the age of "all talk?"  People are what their Facebook profiles say they are?  Nothing more?  Am I the lunch I posted on Instagram a few hours ago?  I'm very confused and... ready.  For more.

I live in a small town-- 13,000 or so.  The population hasn't changed in 15 or 20 years?  It's not small enough for me anymore.  I love it.  But, I want even less around me.... Less people and chain restaurants.  I want-- farmers markets and small locally owned grocery stores.  I want swap-meets.  I want it to take me 20 or 30 minutes to get to the these Applebees and Targets and Starbucks of the world.  I want a more organic, tangible life.

I feel bored by a lot of people and things.  I have no desire to go to bars or parties.  I want to sip on green tea, with a notebook and write about the way I feel watching the snow melt.  I want to meet people that feel the same way that I do-- that life isn't about the best paying job, the newest iPad, the brand of the clothes that you are wearing-- that life is about creating.  Creating relationships, and joy, and art, and peace.  People that believe that everything on this planet isn't ours for the taking.

I want to live simply.

And peacefully.

But, I don't want to exclude the world from my life.   But, society, man... it's killing me.  I need the deep.


  1. Anonymous1/07/2013

    It's funny because that's where I found myself for many years, and like you, it wasn't as a result of depression. But now, at this point, I am ready for a large city, where I collide against people and personalities. I am ready for my peace to be disturbed. Of course, it will be important for me to live near a place I can retreat to, spend time with nature, and still the noise inside of my head.

  2. Life is often like that creepy scene in the Empire Strikes Back when Luke goes in the cave and finds Darth Vader. Before he goes, Yoda tells him he won't need his weapons because he'll only find what he takes with him. So if Luke doesn't imagine danger, fear, etc. he won't find any.

    Of course Luke shoots it all to hell and takes his weapons anyway, but the point is this: our lives, no matter where we're at, or what we're surrounded by, are a product of our own making. We can choose to be happy and find 'our place' if we want, Walmart be damned. I've found that when I'm dissatisfied or not at peace, I often blame it on my environment--or external things. Truthfully, it usually means I'm not confident in the person I am on the inside, and am allowing the outside world to change me. If that makes sense...

    I'm just reluctant to give external things the power to make me miserable I guess, because once I admit that they can, I lose control over who I am. All that being said, sign me up for that simple and peaceful existence as well. :-)

  3. I hear you. I'm in a small town type area, and I like it (though the areas around are pretty built up). I could never live in a city and hate the hustle and bustle of malls and those types of places. Though I'd trade that tea for wine. :)

  4. You and me both. I am not really the small town type though, because I don't want everyone to know me. I could not put on pants for days and be perfectly okay with it. I'm a bit of a hermit and an introvert.

  5. I know exactly what you mean.

    It's so frustrating when I ask what people do for fun and their answer is: watch tv... hang with friends...

    Really? REALLY? Is catching up on series and getting wasted (hanging is a euphanism where I live) all that life is for?

    I sort of coped by drawing into myself more too. I'm TIRED of people staring at me blankly because I write or paint or do anything else weird to try something new.

    And you know what? I don't regret it. At the end, I have things to show for my life, and that's all that matters to me.

  6. Visiting from the Beginnings Blogfest - and you are voicing what I have seen on a number of blogs, wanting to make life simpler, shopping local, connecting with people in a real way.

    Granted we are communicating "virtually," we are all saying the same thing ~

  7. I love your last line. This is what I get from blogging and it's hard. I have to fight to find the bloggers who are genuine and who I feel a connection to, but it's a life-saver when I do. It helps me deal with the superficiality of daily life.


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