She tried to wipe "pee" on a kid...

I really should not be blogging right now.  At noon I have a hardcore French Exam and I should be doing some last minute studying... But, I should be doing a lot of other things that I don't do.  So, I'm totally going to blog for a minute.

So... a couple days ago...  I picked Eva up from preschool and... there was a note on her sheet about an "incident" that had happened earlier in the day.

Apparently my child put her hand in a puddle of water in the bathroom..

and then...

proceeded to taunt another child that she was going to "Wipe Pee on Them."

Yep.  

You read that right.

I hate when stuff like this happens at school.. because I have to act surprised at her behavior and that I feel it's completely unacceptable..

But, I secretely think it's funny... And know that it's completely my fault!

We're goofy... OKAY!?

It's probably because she has seen me numerous times walk up to her father after being in the bathroom, and wipe my wet hands on his arms and sweetly say, "We were out of toilet paper," and then burst into hysterical laughter. 

Stupid things make me laugh, get over it.

Or the fact that Eva and I make it a point to pronounce poop, PEWP... rather long and drawn out and giggle about how silly it sounds.  Pewp.

Or that she jokes that she just went potty in the tub and then takes a drink of her bath water.

And we both laugh about it.

Shit, we are gross.

But, back to the preschool.  I read the note, hold back a smirk (I know she shouldn't do that stuff!!  I know it's gross... but it's my fault!  She acts JUST LIKE ME.  I'm inappropriate... I'm sorry!)  and go through the motions of being flabbergasted at such a shocking behavior.

"I'm so sorry."

"I will definitely talk about it with her tonight."

"Yes, you are right.  Completely unacceptable."

Do you know how hard it is to have a conversation with a 4 year about why she can't do something that she LEARNED FROM YOU??

Yeah, I felt about this big: .

That's right.  The size of that tiny period.

Her response was that, "It was just water!  It wasn't really pee!  It was a joke!"

I just told her that only Mommy thinks that kind of stuff is funny, because Mommy is kind of weird.  And, maybe we should just stop with those kind of jokes.

She said, "Okay..."

Then she said, "Mommy, can you drive faster?  I really gotta... PEWP."

And then we both laughed hysterically.

Who's going to hell in handbasket?  This girl!

I've posted this video before- but I find it to be relevant:

Peeta, not Pita

I've got the fever.  No, not the Beiber-Fever you freaks.

I don't know why.  But, I'm totally in love with a fictional character.  I guess he is 17, just like the Biebs...

And, oh no!  Not him!  All you Twi-hards can keep your sulky, depressive, possessive, Edward Cullen...

I WANT ME SOME PEETA MELLARK!!

Yes, I'm way too old to be so ridiculous.  But, I can't help myself.

The fact that everyone is getting into The Hunger Games just now (even though these incredibly awesome books have been out since FOREVER... well, not forever, but I read them last year when no one gave a hoot about them ) I decided to read the trilogy over again on Friday night.

I don't know if it's the hormones, or what... but, the books are even better than last time.  And, I find myself wanting to jump into the books and squeeze Katniss's fellow tribute from District 12, Peeta.  Maybe it's because I know how the stories ends, or that he's basically written as the perfect person, but I feel weird that I'm in love with a 17 year old, non-existent character from a novel.

At first I was a little turned off that the cute little boy from Bridge to Terabithia was playing my beloved Peeta...  But, since I've seen pictures like this:

dirrrrrty

*this is the actress that will be playing Glimmer in the movie!

and this:

He does not look 17.

Or this:

you are waaaaay to young for me.

Yes, Josh... You can be my Peeta.

No!  Not that kind of Pita!  But, that does look delicious!

Also, I read somewhere in an E! interview with Suzanne Collins(the author) and she discussed casting Josh as Peeta,

“People may get thrown off by, say, the color of an actor’s hair,” explained Collins of her casting choices. “But I tell you, if Josh had been bright purple and had six-foot wings and gave that audition, I’d have been like, ‘Cast him! We can work around the wings.’ He was that good.”

And, being that there is zero to no sexiness in the Hunger Games, unless you think brutally killing children is sexy in any way, it won't really matter that I now find Josh Hutcherson to be pretty attractive.  I just now trust that Peeta Mellark is being played by someone the author trusts and that is awesome.

By the way, I lub you Peeta.

*disclaimer: This is purely satire.  In no way am I going to jump into my book and hook up with a fictional character.  Also, Josh Hutcherson is 17... and that's kind of creepy.  This is mostly written to make myself, and you, giggle and my sillyness*

Poetry and Flowers from John

There is a man named John who has visited me at the Pub for about 5-6 years.  He always comes with a flower, sits at the bar, has about 4 glasses of Coca Cola and writes poetry.

John is a Vietnam Vet who suffers from severe Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.  He lives in a group home and wouldn't hurt a fly.

He has thought my name is Ashley, all these years.  And, he nicknamed me 'Angel.'  I wanted to share with you the poems he wrote for me on Monday.

Ashley Archer

Angel

Clouds you dance

on.  Thunder bolts

you jive.

You give the 

world love.

Great-ness is you

Save us all

Love all people

end of pain

beginning of Joy

When all people

are one.  The stars are our homes.  Humanity

is beyond our little

sphere.  The love reigns,

all people love one 

another.  All voices

heard none 

silenced.  Wisdom 

grows.  Innocence

Day of 

remembering love.

Faith in ourselves.

Free from chains

all of this

When I see you.

Farren Stanley and Sarah

The Thing To Do In Tuscaloosa Is

Dream about walking back and forth   

across the tracks twice a day.   

The cautionary arm   

lifting and lowering. The  

              bells in sunlight  

There is dumping a can   

of creamed corn into   

water to excite the fish, then   

baiting your hooks with corn.  

The stars are verbs               in the waters that watch them  

There is dipping, where too little will make 

you swallowgag and vomit. Where more 

is preferable. The man at the party 

demonstrates the right pinch and folding 

it under the lip. There are slivers of glass 

in dip, meant to slice open the  gums so 

the tobacco gets in faster. He says it is like 

a hundred cigarettes. You will,   

he says, drool.   

There is fishing  

the moon making little flowers in it,               names with long vowels.   

There is quitting   

smoking.   

There is something called noodling in which 

you let a catfish slide its cold mouth   

over your knuckles and grab.   

There is swimming   

and there are snakes.   

The magnolias will insist that they are also moons, if your definition is something bright  

            and gravitating. 

                                      -Farren Stanley

My lovely friend Sarah sent me that poem.  She really has an eye for beautiful words.  She also has a gift of her own in tangling words together in a way that make your heart go, "Yes!!"  I know one day I will own quite a few of her collections and, they will sit on my bookshelf next to the works of Bukowski, Atwood, The Dickman Brothers, and all the other great poets that we both admire.

How odd, me whispering a secret into Sarah's ear.  Wait, I always tell her my secrets!

Shit Girls Say and Cinderella Ate My Daughter

Okay, *I KNOW* that my video sharing has gone THROUGH THE ROOF... But, I can't help it!  Lately, there has been too much hilarious(ness?) online... and I HAVE TO (or so says the little voice in my head) share it with you guys!

Episode 2 of "Shit Girls Say" was uploaded.... and yes, I'm totally guilty of this and each time I watch it, I laugh a little bit harder!  You're welcome.

"Is that coffee?  I might get one."

On another girly note... 

Let's talk books.  In particular:

The synopsis reads:

"Pink and pretty or predatory and hardened, sexualized girlhood influences our daughters from infancy onward, telling them how a girl looks matters more than who she is.....  Does playing Cinderella shield girls from early sexualization- or prime them for it?  Could today's little princess becomes tomorrow's sexting teen?  And what if she does?  Would that make her in charge of her sexuality- or an unwitting captive to it?"

Being a mother to a 4 year old girl, this book instantly grabbed my attention as a must read.  I have to confess, I always wanted a little boy.  The thought of raising a mini-me, with all the hormones, insecurities, etc. seemed a daunting task in the least.  Raising a boy, on the other hand, seemed a much simpler task to endure.  When I found out I was in fact carrying a little girl, I cried.  I was instantly scared shitless.  After I got over my fear, and came to terms with having a little girl- I made the NO PINK rule.  I was having a little girl, but I would be damned if I was going to have bubblegum pink all over the house!

I registered for greens, yellows and blues.  Her nursery with jungle theme, in "boys" colors.  I bought nothing pink from her.  Everything pink came from people who did not respect my hormones wishes.

Then, boom!  A beautiful, healthy, blue eyed, baby girl was born.  And, I was in love.  Couldn't have pictured it any other way.  A daughter was my destiny.  I eventually began to embrace pink.  She looked so "cute" in it!  It really was a good color on her, with her fair skin and light features...

Around 3, she began to become very invested in the clothing she wore.  All she picked out was pink. All she wanted to wear were dresses, skirts and tights.  Suddenly, she became obsessed with dolls, playing house, cooking with play food, DISNEY PRINCESSES.  And, I got scared... I wanted to make her happy... But, I was afraid somewhere along the way I failed her.  I taught her gender roles and now she was never going to be my super cool hipster child.

Peggy Orenstein made me realize that as her mother, I still have the power to teach her that loving pink and being a strong woman can happen.  That just because she loves Sleeping Beauty does not mean that she believes that a man is going to be her saving grace.  It is up to me to teach her to value herself.  If I do not embrace the things that she likes, she may end up rebelling against me, or feeling ashamed for liking something that is "wrong."

Orenstein is a vivid writer, with a strong narrative and she brings up some incredibly interesting points.  I would definitely recommend this book to ALL PARENTS.  It's a quick read and will keep your attention.  It's very well written, can be serious while also providing laughs.