I really wanted to say the b-word. Placing it in the title just didn't feel appropriate though.. So I'll just say it now because if I don't say it, I'll be thinking it the entire time--- I just need to get it out of my system--
Writer's Block is a total bitch.
I know, feminists shouldn't use that word. But, get over it. I used it. I'm already over it. And, damn! That felt GOOD.
I cannot freaking write! My mind is all like "$%*&(*$^#T!!!!!!!!!!" when I sit in front of a computer screen and no words end up on the page. Usually by that time I will then attempt to scribble in my illegible scrawl in my notebook- where the fuck is my notebook anyway? Have yet to find it-- or my purse. It has to be in my purse.
I'm trying to find the source of my writer's block... lack of sleep? I do have a newborn. Lack of creativity? possibly.. but, I have a lot of ideas actually-- just none are materializing. I'm having a problem actually executing these ideas.
It must be guilt!
I can only write when the children are asleep. But, that is also the only time I can clean or unpack. Even sitting here, while Eva is napping (she is NOT napping by the way, I can hear her banging around in her bedroom, but I'm choosing to ignore it for sanity's sake) and, Abram is asleep across my chest-- I feel GUILTY. I should put the baby down (even though after 5 minutes he'll be awake-- he likes being held by his mother) and do some damn housework.
But, I want to write dammit. I need that release, the satisfaction that you feel when you crank out a couple hundred words or pages.
I've been fantasizing about total silence, a blank word document and a gallon jug of wine... I think I need a drunken session to jump start the honesty. But, I need to be realistic. And, that is not realistic unfortunately.
I did write a few pages last Sunday (last Sunday ALREADY?! Wow... that is forever ago) about a lady who had nothing to write about. Ha. I know. Pathetic.
But, then I was reminded by Bukowski that:
"Writing about a writer's block is better than not writing at all."
And I've started a generic essay about Facebook. I edited a few short-stories. That is it.
WRITER FRIENDS-- help me! I can't wait until Christmas to write!