Wednesday, November 16, 2011

I admit it, I'm going to see it...

Friday morning at noon, I will be sitting in the movie theater with 4 of my female co-workers watching The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part 1.  (Cheese and rice, that's quite the title.)  

Saddly, I read all of the books.  Thankfully, I read them before the movies and all the twi-mania erupted.  Unfortunately, I used to be a moderator on the largest Facebook fan page for Twilight.  Luckily, I realized after Breaking Dawn was released that the books were crap and that Stephenie Meyer cannot write.

Breaking Dawn is single handedly the worst writing I have ever encountered.  It's a cluster fuck of plot lines that don't seem to intertwine, she introduces about 15 million new characters that have never been mentioned in prior stories... And she gets ya all amped up for something epic to happen, and BAM!  Not a fucking thing.

Twilight was a guilty pleasure.  I was a new mom when I started reading them.  All my friends were all hot and sexy 21 year old... Wearin' dem high heels, gettin' all fiiiiine, going out.  And, I was sitting at home in a maternity bra, covered in stretch marks and breast milk.  Basically I was sexy as FUCK.

Bella Swan, the leading lady in the story is chronically PLAIN.  She isn't the Belle of the Ball... She's a pale brunette, who prefers to spend her time reading Shakespeare and Bronte, she is a loner, likes to cook and doesn't spend a lot of time getting ready.  (Bella don't give a flyin' fuck what she looks like.)

And then all the sudden the sexy guy that all the girls are obsessed over LOVES HER!  And, to top it all off... He has a secret!  And he confides it in her!  Making her special too.. OMGRZ.

Yes, I totally got sucked in.  It was a guilty pleasure, much like how I still watch General Hospital.  (And now find myself tuning in every Wednesday night for Revenge.  PS- F you CMA Awards... I was all amped up to see what happened last week, and you took over the time slot.  Still haven't forgiven you.)

But, I saw flaws instantly.  Bella was incredibly weak.  Honestly, it gets out of control.  And, Edward.  Don't get me started on Edward.  He would do creepy shit like take apart her engine so she wouldn't drive to see her friend Jacob (who happens to be a werewolf, no big deal) on his reservation.  Their entire relationship is completely unhealthy and twisted.  Not to mention, Edward is one controlling S.O.B.

I guess that's why I was always hoping she would pick Jacob.  

God, I hate myself for reading these books.

But,  yes... I will go see that awful book turned film on Friday.  Slightly because I have a non-sexual girl crush on Kristen Stewart.  And, also.. because I think this will be the first time that a movie HAS to be better than the book.. Because holy shit that book was fucking awful.  Not to mention, I'm interested in Vampire Sex and the baby that's going to rip through Bella's stomach.  

Now, I came across some of the most ridiculous Twilight related shit I've ever seen... Enjoy these tragic mistakes:

This one cracks me up.. GET IT!?


Why would you do that to yourself?!  What I find most disturbing is not only the placement of these tattoos... But how POORLY done they are!

But, I am totally getting a Deathly Hallows tattoo... And you want to know why that is okay?  This is why:


  1. I absolutely and completely hate Twilight. I attempted to read the book a long time agp, but I actually fell asleep on top of said book after 20 pages or so and haven't tried again since.

    And I'm rolling my eyes at these tattooed twi-dorks. Stop it, guys. Really.

  2. The last movie was insanely AWFUL. I felt so embarassed as I sat there. Left early! Going with the girls (and the morning bloody mary's) should make this much more enjoyable haha. TATTOOED TWI-DORKS!! ahhH! I LOVE IT!

  3. Anonymous11/16/2011

    No, no, and no on Twilight. Those tats? Some serious Twipshits.

    Now, HP, that's a story.

  4. holy shit those tattoos are ridiculous! wtf? this post made me laugh out loud, which I had to try and stifle because Evelyn is (supposed to be) napping in the next room. Favorite part of this post:

    "Twilight was a guilty pleasure. I was a new mom when I started reading them. All my friends were all hot and sexy 21 year old... Wearin' dem high heels, gettin' all fiiiiine, going out. And, I was sitting at home in a maternity bra, covered in stretch marks and breast milk. Basically I was sexy as FUCK."

    So been there. Except I read these books when I was pregnant. Over Christmas break. All of them. I was hooked too, and remember reading in the bathtub because what else was there to do?

  5. Anonymous11/18/2011

    Some people go waaaay to far with their obsessions lol. Thanks for your comment on yesterday's post. Normally my post are not so sad. I'm just helping a friend with her book as you may have seen. Have a great day! :)

  6. Anonymous11/24/2011

    i fucking love getting a tat across my hand that says I Must Not Tell Lies, i want it to look like real scars. love your post

  7. Anonymous11/24/2011

    I fucking love HP...i'm getting I must not tell lies tattooed across my hand. loved your post, not sure how i stumbled across it but its great


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