Thursday, May 10, 2012

50 Shades of Fuck That Shit

It is a known fact that I love a great Young Adult novel.  Why do I love the YA genre?  I love the writing, I do.  I really do.  I love that you can read a story about witches and wizards or even vampires, and it's more about the characters and less about sex.  You read something like Game of Thrones (which is amazing- I'm not dissing it!  NEVER!) and there is tons of sex and vulgarity.

I don't always want tons of sex and vulgarity, oddly enough.

Just because I'm obsessed with Harry Potter and The Hunger Games, just because I love The Chronicles of Narnia and read The Twilight Saga (and used to be a moderator on Twilight's largest Facebook fan page years ago.  Don't hate me)- does not mean I'm going to read 50 Shades of Grey by E.L. James.  Frankly, I can't see how my appreciation for YA can even go hand in hand with this novel.  It's not a YA novel!

Stupid Author of a Stupid Book
People keep asking me, "Oh my god!  Have you read this book yet!?"  Like it's expected of me or something.  Stop asking me if I've read it!  I haven't and I don't plan on it.

I have standards, thank you very much.

I try not to judge things before I try them... I even told my friend Amanda that if she took the time and energy to mail the book to me I may attempt to read it so that my hate for the novel can be solidified by the phrase, "I've read it and it fucking sucks."

But, then I see things like this and I know I'll never read it.

This.  This is STUPID.

Why would I read this garbage?  I love literature.  I love Jane Eyre.  I love Revolutionary Road and novels by real writers like Margaret Atwood and George Orwell.  I do not read this kind of crap.

50 Shades of Grey was originally Twilight Fan Fiction.  The two main characters were originally written as Bella and Edward.  Some 40 year old hormonal woman wrote a lusty, perverse fan fiction about Bella and Edward.  It's Twilight Porn.  It really is.

The Fifty Shades Trilogy was developed from a Twilight fanfiction originally entitled Master of the Universe and published episodically on fanfiction websites under the penname "Snowqueen's Icedragon". The piece featured characters named after Stephenie Meyer's characters in Twilight, Edward Cullen and Bella Swan. After comments concerning the sexual nature of the material, James removed the story from the fanfiction websites and published it on her own website, FiftyShades.com. Later she decided to rewrite Master of the Universe as an original piece with the principal characters renamed Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele and shortly prior to its publication withdrew the fanfiction version from her website.
Also:
The plot traces the relationship between recent college graduate Anastasia Steele and manipulative billionaire Christian Grey. Steele is required by Grey to sign a contract allowing him complete control over her life. As she gets to know him she learns that his sexual tastes involve bondage, domination and sadism, and that childhood abuse left him a deeply damaged individual. In order to be his partner she agrees to experiment with BDSM, but struggles to reconcile who she is (a virgin who has never previously had a boyfriend) with whom Christian wants her to be: his submissive, to-do-with-as-he-pleases partner in his "Red Room of Pain."

What did I just read?
So again- I ask- why would I read this garbage?  People- just because I love a *good* YA novel- does not mean I like dirty-Mommy-porn about a pathetic young woman who chooses to let a man control her life.

Not to mention, I keep reading reviews about how shitty the writing is.  Here's an excerpt from a review by the Chicago Tribune:

 By that measure — and frankly, pretty much any other measure I can think of, other than the cringe-inducing fiction 14-year-olds tend to submit to literary magazines — this is a pretty dreadful book. Put simply, author E L James — who is now officially invulnerable to criticism because she has more money than God — is not a very good writer.
Her dialogue is stilted, the descriptions of place overwrought, and the characters and plot so predictable that a reader could theoretically skip over several dozen pages of text and still be utterly unsurprised by new developments. (Hey, what do you know? They're having violent sex again. And both appear to feel vaguely conflicted about the violence aspect, but apparently not conflicted enough to actually stop doing it).
And, she's making millions off these stupid books and I'm pissed off about it.

And, yes it's slated to be a motion picture.  Obviously.

How does something like this happen?  I really just don't understand...

25 comments:

  1. This makes me giggle. I am currently re-reading Matilda for the millionth time. I too love things like Sense and Sensibility, Revolutionary Road, all John Irving, and of course some Steig Larson. What I'm saying is, I love a grown up book and a young adult book, and even a kids book from time to time.
    However.
    I also loves me some trash. I have not read 50 Shades of Gray- YET. But I will. Cause while I'm cool with keeping it clean, I also like some erotica mixed in with some just straight filth.

    I consider myself well-rounded.

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    1. GIRL- you better read The Hunger Games first!!!!!! :)

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    2. I will! Before I read the filth of Twilight porn I will read of Katniss.

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  2. I am 100% behind you on this!!! A book club member is threatening to choose this as a pick and I won't read it. For one thing, I heard on NPR the other day that the average well-read person only reads 3000 books in their lifetime. That doesn't seem like very much and I'm not wasting one of my 3000 on some lady's sex fantasies, and for another thing, I also heard the writing was awful. The author is British and has placed her characters in Washington State, but they still use Britishisms like ringing someone on the phone and other stuff that I can't remember, and also I read somewhere that someone counted how many times she has her character "raise her eyebrows" or "cock her head to the side" or other stupid shit like that that if it was good writing nobody would think to count. It sounds like poor poor writing and now that I know it was Twilight fan fiction, my heels are dug in even further. I liked Twilight, why does someone have to fuck with it? It's Stephenie Meyer's book! Leave it alone!

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    1. We are 100% on the same page right now. And I had no idea about that book statistic! Solidifies my stance even more!

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  3. I'm on my phone and can't go off on a long tangent, but that Christian Grey line could be the dumbest thing I've ever read in my life. Yuck.

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  4. Oh, and that quote from the book just loaded on my screen. YUCK. That is disgusting.

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  5. (this one really struck a chord, can you tell?) and also, Jane Eyre is where it's at. Give me crazy old wonderful Mr. Rochester any day over the perv Mr. Grey. Again, Yuck!

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    1. SHE SIGNS HER LIFE AWAY TO HIM. Literally signs a contract. What!The!Fuck!

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  6. Hahahaha Azia I love when you use "fuck." You use it better than anyone I know, and hearing you use it is like, better than ice cream. Almost. I hadn't even considered reading this book until now, because when I hear something is terrible I get curious to see how terrible it really is. It's like how people stare at car accidents. But, I probably won't have time, and there's no way I'd spend money on this book.

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    1. Together, we will not waste money or time! BOOM! I'm glad you like my sailor's mouth. :)

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  7. Hahaaha you know my opinion on it. Read all the trash you want, but don't tell me about the porn you're reading. I dont wanna know.

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    1. I CONCUR! Porn is PRIVATE. Sheesh.

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  8. I was almost tempted to read it after Gia wrote a post about it, because of the BDSM element. There is something about human sexuality that has always intrigued be, but if it's badly written, it's going to be a waste of my time.

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    1. Well, if you read it- let me know what you think!

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  9. Excuse me one moment, won't you? Yeah...that's what I thought.

    An excerpt from my grad school thesis back in 2007: "Had anyone been able to observe Christian Grey standing at his floor to ceiling window, it would have seemed he was looking out over New York City and enjoying a late night cup of decaf tea instead of being lost in the past."

    She stole my go_ fu_____ da____ coc_____ing motherf_____ character's name!

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    1. Josh- this is a CUSSING ZONE. We like swear words 'round these parts.

      I would love to read YOUR story on Christian Grey. As long as there are no parts about penis popsicles.

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    2. I can categorically guarantee there is not even a single mention of cock.

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  10. No desire to read this either, although I am interested in reading the hunger games. Haven't read Twilight either, at this point I probably won't ever end up reading it.

    Have you ever read anything by Cynthia Voight? It's older and a little dated, but I remember reading Izzy Willy-Nilly multiple times in high school and I still have a copy of Homecoming.

    Anyway, if I want to read something trashy and titillating, I'll stick to Jackie Collins.

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    1. Read The Hunger Games Trilogy. It's a good story, I swear. Honestly, Twilight isn't even that bad. It's just Stephenie Meyer is a meh writer. (The last book, Breaking Dawn- is one of the most poorly written pieces of literature I've ever read.) But, if you find yourself on a long trip... Twilight wouldn't be so bad.

      IZZY WILL NILLY and HOMECOMING. oh my gosh- i don't know anyone else familiar with those stories!

      See- maybe that's my problem- I don't read romance novels....

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    2. Way late response.. Cynthia Voight was a YA author, not a romance author, that's why I brought her up. Izzy Willy Nilly is about a high-schooler who loses her leg(s?) in a drunk-driving incident and Homecoming is about four kids who get abandoned by their mother and travel up the eastern seaboard looking for their only living relatives.

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    3. Sometimes I write out response in the ADHD fashion my brain works in: can be confusing! I've read both Izzy Willy Nilly and Homecoming (which I own). Then- Seperate Thought- I've never really read a romance novel ('cept for Twilight) which may be my "problem".

      But wooooow. I might need to revist these titles ASAP

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  11. I'm trying to decide which is better--this post or your replies to everyone's comments on this post. You make me laugh so much. I like that.

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  12. Bad huh? I was thinking of picking 50 Shades up to see what all the hub-bub was, but now I'm re-thinking it after reading this. Hmm...

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